Well, that’s a bald question and a half, isn’t it? Chances are, if you’ve asked yourself the question of late, then you’ve already done some serious thinking about it, and you’re probably into the early stages of planning an exit.
One possibility is that you blurt it all out over dinner one evening and you quit by the next stagecoach out of town. Or, there’s the scenario where you suggest an exit point at some point in the not too distant future. Alternatively, you may have considered the option of staying in the marriage as an ‘out’ gay man.
What is pretty certain though is that you’ve been running a dialogue in your head for a long time and it is only in the latter stages that you are planning to involve your spouse. Maybe, she’s stacking the dishwasher or helping one of the kids with an assignment as you’re reading this, just getting on with the everyday work of providing for her family.
Possibly, she has some inkling of your inner torment. Possibly she is blissfully unaware.
Well, here at LG we could perhaps advise you as follows: (a) tell her right now, (b) make a clean break there and then, (c) run, run and keep on running, (d) go wild, go crazy, go all out gay.
Or do we advise you accordingly: (1) give her all the time in the world, (2) support and nurture her through this difficult time, (3) keep the family together and maintain a semblance of family life, (4) accept that your dream of a true, gay life is the light at the end of a long tunnel.
Truth is, the answer possibly lies somewhere between these two extremes.
This isn’t the time for a sledgehammer approach, but equally you’ll never get the omelette made without breaking some eggs.
You want to be kind and caring, but eventually you are planning to leave your partner anyway.
This is probably the most difficult and grown up thing that will happen to you in your life and there is no ‘app’ you can download to your cellphone that will see you though it.
We can suggest, though, that this is a time for maturity. A time for honesty and integrity, for being true to yourself and to your family, and for facing up to the difficult decisions that lie ahead.
So, if you feel 2013 is going to be your year of change, then make it happen. Your journey has begun.